It’s been a long time since anyone has called me normal. I’ve been told, ‘that’s pretty normal for you,’ mostly by Janet, but I don’t think normal is a word she’s used to describe me. In my defense, what exactly is normal? I’m guessing my normal is much different from your normal.
I wasn’t acting normal this past December when I decided to go to my primary doctor for a checkup. I can’t remember the last time I went for a general checkup. Usually, when I get a wild hair they don’t involve doctors or hospitals; at least not at first.
I like this new doctor of mine. She seems very kind and concerned about my well being. She scheduled all kinds of tests for me: a mammogram, a hearing test, blood tests, pap smear, booster shots…the list went on and on. I finally had to say, ‘whoa, doctor, I just came in to make sure I won’t drop dead if I start jogging again. I don’t know if I’m ready to be that healthy.’
She sent me right downstairs to the hospital to schedule my mammogram and I thought she was going to escort me herself. You don’t trust little ol’ me, doctor? I went for my mammogram and was told if there was an issue they would call me and if my test results were normal they would send me a letter via snail mail.
I was on pins and needles the first day after my test just waiting for the phone to ring. But it didn’t ring that next day or the day after that. I received a letter a few days later stating everything was normal with my test. I was shocked. I sat down at my desk, called Janet immediately and told her, ‘Janet! Parts of me are normal and I have it in writing!” I’ve decided to keep that piece of paper just in case someone has any questions about me being normal.
I’ve had issues with my hearing lately so I went to have a hearing test. After the test, it was determined I have a slight hearing loss in my right ear in the lower tones and my left ear is fine. I was shocked. I went home, called Janet and told her, ‘my hearing is fine…you and Jessie mumble. My left ear is normal!”
Janet flew in early today so we could go over to Bellevue for Costco’s annual shareholder’s meeting (I’m the proud owner of 2.97 shares, thank you) and it was really interesting. They had all kinds of foods, drinks and various freebies to hand out. We walked by a booth with free bone density scans and Janet wanted to get hers checked but I told her I wasn’t interested.
The nice nurse talked me into sitting down and rolling down my sock to check my left foot. I was shocked when she told me my bone density was so good I was almost off the charts. My bones were better than normal: they were the equivalent of a 20-somethings. Wow. I’ve got normal throughout my body now.
I haven’t gone in to have my blood tested or my yearly exam so I don’t know how normal those parts will be but I do know my boobs, left ear and bones are completely normal. And I have it all in writing. Hi normal. Nice to see you again. How have you been?