My Big Lazy Butt

To say I’ve fallen off the exercise/eating healthy wagon is putting it mildly.  I’ve fallen off the wagon and rolled down to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.  Trust me, it’s a long and treacherous descent filled with jagged rocks, pointy plants, and miles of doughnuts and cheeseburgers.  Luckily, I am not alone at the bottom of my self-created abyss:  Janet is here keeping me company!

I think Craig, our (former) personal trainer, has disowned us.  I think his eyesight’s too bad for him to see us in our giant hole.  I miss him telling us what to do, how to do it, and how many.  Not too many people can do that with tact and underlying sensitivity.  I’m sure there are people who would like to tell us what to do and where to go, though.

For the moment, we are staying on the third floor and are located right next to the stairs.  The way the floors are set up, it’s too hard to walk to the elevator to get to our car; trust me, I’ve tried.  The first time we walked up the stairs, I was winded and I can’t honestly say just a little.  My clothes are becoming dangerously tight and I’m tired in the afternoons, almost tired enough to take a nap.

So, Janet decided we needed to get off our big, lazy butts and started up a walking/cardio/fruits & veggies challenge for us to do with our friends.  It’s not going well.  We are in week two and I’m having a hard time with the fruits again.  I just don’t like fruits and veggies and I don’t know how to incorporate them into my diet while not tasting them.  Anybody have any suggestions?

I find exercise more enjoyable than eating healthy, although that’s not saying much.  Actually, I don’t enjoy the act of exercising.  I just enjoy the feeling of when I stop.  I feel terrible in the middle of jogging, or moving off the couch, but I feel pretty good when I sit back down.  The couch is still there, waiting patiently for me.  I feel really good after I stop sweating, usually only 30 or 40 minutes later, and I can take a shower.

Has anyone created a pill for memory loss during exercise?  No?  Get on it then.  I would love to take a little pill in the morning, come to at lunch and have Janet tell me, “Wow!  I’ve never seen you so energetic!  You mowed the lawn, dusted our house and the neighbor’s, ran a marathon, and did our taxes.  Good for you!”  That would be wonderful.

Until I find that little pill, and yes it must be legal, I guess I’ll try and figure out a way to motivate Janet and myself.  It won’t be easy:  our favorite meal is dessert; our favorite outdoor activity is going to a park and watching Jessie run around; and our favorite rainy day activity is sleeping until it stops raining.  Good thing we live in Seattle.

We definitely need some baby steps, I can’t all of a sudden be super active like I was a few months ago.  I need to slowly get in motion to stay in motion and use little things to motivate us to get off the couch and eat better.  I think I’ll start in my closet.  I have a pair of pants in there I like to call my ‘five pound bag pants’.

These are pants, way back in the day, which used to fit me very nicely.  At one point, they were actually loose fitting.  When I try to put them on now it’s like trying to stuff ten pounds of crap in a five pound bag: s&!t falling out all over the place.  If that’s not motivation to lose weight I really don’t know what will work.

jenn

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