Can Someone Please Explain Children To Me?

I published my book, Devan’s Story, in Amazon last month and was having no luck with the other aggregate publisher I used so I went ahead and used Smashwords to see how that goes.  I’m not sure how long it will take to get to the Apple store or other devices, but it’s pending approval.

You have got to click on the link below for Smashwords because I want you to see the picture I uploaded for my profile page.  My…bicep…looks…huge!  I don’t know what’s in the dish I’m holding but I’m thinking it’s a giant Steroid Pie.  Seriously, what is caught in my shirt?  I look like Arnold’s younger, way better looking sister.

Can someone please explain children to me?

I love my daughter, I really do, but lately she’s been coming up with these weird sayings and doing weird things.  The other day we were walking along the Deschutes River and I pointed out some trash along the bank.  Jessie says, “Oh look at that trash, what is wrong with people nowadays?”  Nowadays?  She’s eleven!  What days is she talking about?

I’m thinking she needs to hang out with people her own age and not us oldish parents.  Either that or I’m going to have to look for the alien pod that changed my daughter into a very similar, but very alien child.  I hadn’t made up my mind until I took her shopping today.

Jessie and I went to look for clothes at Kohls and we were walking along a main aisle when I noticed Jessie wasn’t next to me anymore.  I stopped to look around, went back to where I had last seen her, and what to my wondering eyes should appear?  She was picking up a bunch of towels that had fallen on the floor.  She carefully picked up each one and was putting them back in their proper places.

I could only stand there and watch her and I wasn’t the only one.

I looked over at the Kohl’s employee and said, “Are you seeing the same thing I’m seeing?”

The stunned woman replied, “A tall, blonde, thin pre-teen picking something up off the floor?”

“Oh, good, I’m not hallucinating.”  We stood like that, two momentarily flummoxed adults, until Jessie finished and looked over at us.

“Why are you looking at me like that, Mom…and lady I don’t know?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you do that before, Jessie.  Why did you pick up all those towels?”

“Oh, that kind of stuff really bugs me.”

REALLY?!?  This is the same girl who, after a bath, will ball up her towel and throw it on her bedroom floor.  And if that ball was in the middle of the floor, in front of her door, she would step over it until said towel ball decomposed back into the earth.

“Wait a minute.  Why don’t you pick up the stuff on your bedroom floor?”  Because, honestly, I don’t see a difference between the towels at Kohls and the stuff she throws on the floor in her own home; apparently I was wrong.

“Oh, that’s different, Mom.  I would never have picked those up at home.  I want the stuff on the floor in my bedroom.”

“Even your wet towel?”

“Oh, I just never notice my towel on the floor.  You can pick that up if you want to.”

OMG.  She never notices that, yet she saw, out of the corner of her eye, towels on the floor along the back wall at Kohls.  Please, if you can explain, even a little, what goes on in the mind of a child, I would greatly appreciate it.  Now if you don’t mind I have to go and search for the pod in my house because I’m pretty sure that wasn’t my daughter at Kohls.  Maybe I’ll show her the movie Invasion of the Body Snatchers and see if she makes that weird screeching noise at me.




Filed under Musings

2 responses to “Can Someone Please Explain Children To Me?

  1. Dawn

    Hilarious – yeah, I noticed a daughter like that once. Not mine, at least not biologically. Everything from (very old) plates of food and utensils to wet bathing suits could be found under her bed or jammed into her closet after she “cleaned.” I think it’s normal teenage behavior, although I don’t for the life of me recall doing anything remotely close when I was a teen… Maybe my mom needs to chime in on that one.

    • I’m sure your mom has some great stories, what’s her number? Just kidding, Dawn! Raising kids should be easier, right? It wasn’t that long ago when I was 11…okay it has been over 30 years ago…and I’ve lost some brain cells since then…I really hope Jessie doesn’t follow in my footsteps!

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