Things I Wish Were True

I really shouldn’t complain about anything; I will, but I really shouldn’t because my life is pretty good.  There are some things going on, in my life, I don’t like – Curse You, Budge!, 5 veggies a day – but I’ll probably survive.  There are more really great things in my life than I can shake a stick at – exercising makes me feel good, Janet & Jessie, the abundance of sun lately – …but still.

I started volunteering at In Other Words Feminist Center a couple of months ago and I went in yesterday to help run the place (okay, I went to dust) and I saw some buttons, for sale, in case you need any buttons, that made me think of a few things I wish were true.

The First Button: The Coffee Party.  I wish there was a viable third party to compete with the Democrats and the Republicans.  Isn’t the Coffee Party a much stronger choice than the Tea Party?  I think so.  I would love to be a member of the Coffee Party.

I’m a socially liberal, fiscally conservative voter who has to register as a Democrat because I’m too nice to be a Republican.  I’m not green enough, not independent enough, and not wacky enough to be any other type of voter.  I’ve given up hope of getting rid of party labels and just declaring what you believe in – I think the parties have been around too long and we’d have to pry the Democrat and Republican cards from their cold, dead hands.

So, in order to be a Coffee Partier you must meet these criteria: your IQ must be above 85, you must enjoy traveling, you must embrace the ‘live beneath your means’ mantra, you must not see corporations as people, you must observe the Golden Rule – treat others as you would like to be treated, you must not force others to believe what you believe, you must not have a twisted interest in what goes on in someone else’s bedroom, you must be willing to compromise in all things…

And the most important, the one I think is hurting our country, the one, if you were to adhere to it, could change the world: You must be true to yourself.  What does that mean?  It means: know who you are, embrace who you are, and live the life YOU were meant to live.

Don’t be limited to these choices, though.  I really just don’t want any lazy stupid people in the Coffee Party; there are other parties for those people.  Being open minded is the key.  It helps if you are even slightly intelligent and have travelled outside of your county.  Outside of your state would be great and outside of the country would be too much to hope for.

The Second Button: Marry The Person You Love.  Now, I realize this button is for marriage equality.  Being a lesbian, I have to know this, but that’s not what I thought of when I read it.  I’m going to admit something you might take in the wrong way, something I don’t say very often; do not take me literally, especially you Janet: I wish sex didn’t exist.

Again, don’t take me literally, I just wish we could be friends with whomever we wanted to be friends with, instead of having the sex equation always lurking in the background.  We could hang out with men and women and parents would never have to worry about their kids and there would be no such things as creepy neighbors.  We could just be friends because the concept of sex doesn’t exist.

A while back, I moved into a third floor apartment and, on my way downstairs, I met the guy who lived in the apartment below mine.  I said, ‘hi, my name is Jenn and I just moved in upstairs.’  He said, ‘I have a girlfriend and she’s inside.’  Okay…I have a girlfriend, too.  If no sex, would he have said that?  I’m thinking he would have said, ‘Hi, Jenn, I’m tattoo man (he never did give me his name).  Can I get you a beer?’ ‘Why, yes, tattoo man, that would be lovely.’

See, guys, this is why some women aren’t very friendly around you: it’s not all about sex with us.  Just because we smile at you, or crack a joke with you, doesn’t mean we want to have your kids.  Sometimes we’re just happy, and by happy I mean Gay!  Anyhoo, if no sex, we could be happy all the time and not worry about sending the wrong message to a man who recently saw a movie where the guy relentlessly chased the woman, who finally stopped running and they got married, and now that man thinks that’s the way to win a woman!  Crazy!

The Third Button: Portland, There’s No Place Like Home.  I really like Portland.  A lot.  I wish I could call Portland home, but it doesn’t seem to be the case.  Jessie lives in Seattle, spending the school year with her dad and his wife.  She spends vacations and summers with me and Janet.  At least, that was the plan.  Then something occurred to me, something I hadn’t realized: Jessie still likes me.

She’s only 10 so I figure I have a couple of years of good love left in her before she becomes possessed by the devil, a head spinning, crazed teenager.  I hope she doesn’t start spitting out pea soup, I hate that part.  Yuck.  Moving closer to Jessie seems like a good idea right now, Portland will be there for us when we get Jessie safely tucked into Yale or Harvard or Stanford; when I dream, I dream big.

When my ex and I talked about moving to the Pacific Northwest, he was moving to Seattle for a job, I decided to move to Portland.  At the time, I thought Portland was close enough to Seattle to see Jessie all the time (a 3 hour drive) and I wanted to put some space between my ex-husband, his new wife, and myself (as all good exes should do).  But Janet knew better.

Janet said, ‘why don’t we rent something for now and see how it goes?’  I can’t remember my response, but it probably sounded like a snort.  I like to snort.  ‘I’m a big girl, I can live on my own’.  Janet wasn’t convinced…and she was right.  I want to be closer to Jessie because she still likes me and I really should take advantage of that.  That might not always be the case.  I am pretty embarrassing.

Janet and I have a lot of freedom in our lives right now.  Janet travels for work, she can live anywhere near an airport, and I work from home.  Work…watch TV…whatever.  Just kidding, Janet!  Now where did she hide the remotes?  Moving closer to Jessie is something we can do because we have the freedom to move.  Of course, freedom does come with a price.

The Fourth Button: In Other Words.  I like this button.  It has a nice background, the words stand out, and there’s a little bird flying free…as a bird.  Oh, it would be nice if Janet could volunteer with me at In Other Words.  I wish Janet could stop travelling and stay at home with me.  I see Janet from Thursday night, when I pick her up from the airport, until early Monday morning, when I drive her to the airport.  I see her for 3 days out of the week.  That gets old after a while.  Like 3 years ago.

The reason Janet and I are trying to save as much money as we can (Curse You, Budge!) is to get her off the road.  However that happens – saving money, not traveling as much (hmmph), the books do well, we win the lottery – it can’t happen soon enough.  We are aiming for 2020 as a retirement date, holding that, and our magical retirement number, out as a measuring stick of what we need to do to be ready for retirement.  Of course, if we win the $200 million lottery, forget about 2020, let’s all go to Maui!

So, I gave myself 4 wishes because in JennWorld I can do anything; I’m not limited to just 3 wishes like you people.  In Jennworld, I can write bestsellers, be a world famous blogger, and use my powers for good and not evil (usually).  So I’m spending my time blogging and researching and writing my book, in the hopes of an early retirement.  I figure if I work really hard…oh, hey, look!  The remote!  Um, I’ve gotta go, I’ve got a lot of…research to do.

jenn

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